So Different Now?

Before leaving for Iraq, I felt as if this experience wouldn't change me. I've always felt, (or at least put on a pretty good front) that certain things don't get to me. Or like I don't need to rely on anybody but myself. I've never had one significant event in my life shake me up. At least not until I came here. Thinking about everything I've been through over here, good and bad, I feel almost overwhelmed. I have changed. I've changed a lot. But have I changed for better? Or for worse?

I curse. Everyone in the military curses. It's contagious. I was pretty surprised at how much I cursed in front of my mom, while I was home on leave. And I would do it without pause. As if that is how I were raised. I've always been a sarcastic person. But now, I feel like sarcasm is the only thing I have going for me. And I'm very outspoken and opinionated. If I think something is stupid, ugly, pointless, whatever... I say it. Even when the situation may not call for it. Or even if I know it's going to be a direct insult to someone. I kind of feed off of that. I take pleasure in people's reactions to it. Worst of all... death is something I've come to joke about or just pass off, as if it doesn't/hasn't happened. This is a horrible place, in which people die every day and one of the things that gets me through is to joke about death or some sort of serious bodily harm.

Aside from all of that, I have definitely learned not to take things for granted. Things like family, friends, the U.S., my arms and legs, the finer things in life.... just life in general. Growing up, I remember times I absolutely despised my parents. For not letting me go to a friend's house. For not letting me do what I wanted to do. For nothing. But now I realize that my parents are pretty much the most amazing parents in the world. I feel horrible for putting my mom through all of this, but she's supported me every step of the way. Words could not describe the love I have for my parents and family.

Like I said, I've never really had one significant event in my life that has shaken me until I came here. Now I've had several. Some have affected me in different ways. Most of these things I'd rather not write about. Those events have really made me wonder how or why people can do some of the things they do. It's baffling. I've had a couple close calls. One in which really made me think that the Big Man upstairs is really looking out for me. There are times I wonder how the hell I've made it through all of this. Then I remember going home on leave. When we landed in Dallas, the reaction we got from the people there was shocking to me. As we got off the plane and walked through the terminal, everybody in the entire airport stood and applauded. Every single person. Some women had tears in their eyes. I was truly amazed. I was trying my hardest not to tear up, but it was rough. To hear daily, all of the negatives about this war and to feel as if I'm over here for nothing, it was just crazy to see how many people are actually grateful for all of us over here. I guess I've seen the worst and best of people.

I'll leave this place in under 5 months. Whether I wanted it to or not, it has changed me in some ways. And I still have quite a bit left to endure. I'm not going to come home some crazy, dillusional war vet. But different than I was before? Perhaps. Regardless, I'll still be me and some of you are just going to have to deal with that. :)

Pre-Thanksgiving post.

Alright, so I'm a couple of weeks early, but... I've got a lot on my plate in the next week and I doubt I'll spend much time on the internet machine while I'm home on leave. So, here's my pre-Turkey Day posting.

I've never really taken Thanksgiving for what it's worth. I guess when you're young you just don't quite grasp the concept. But this year is different. A lot different. I've never realized how much I have to be thankful for. This will be my first Thanksgiving back home in 3 years. During that time, I've moved around quite a bit. From the states to Korea. From Korea to Texas. From Texas to Iraq. To say that I've taken things in life for granted would be a huge understatement. Instead of writing this out all formal-like, here's a list of things I have good reason to be thankful for:

-My fams. Supported me my entire life. They've been incredible for the past few years. Never hesitating to help me out when I needed it, and always there to make me feel closer to home, no matter how far away I am.

-My friends. Kellen.. even though we've taken different routes to get to where we're goin', he's still been there. Couldn't even fathom where'd I'd be without that guy.. or what I would be like. Gaby.. No matter how much of an asshole, or pain in the ass I am, she's always there for me. Definitely one of the most supportive people I know.. even though I don't always return the favor. Nika.. The "hellos" always seem to come with perfect timing. At times when I'm feeling kinda home sick or loney (yes, I do have real feelings) she always seems to lift my mood, just by saying "hello" and "hope all is well." And others.. past, present... in one way or another I am who I am today because of you.

-USA. Being in the Army, I've been sent to South Korea and now Iraq. Although it's not what you may see or hear on the news, Iraq is still the worst place I've been. Kids growing up in poverty. Playing in the streets full of garbage and open sewage. Not being able to express your religion or life-style, for feel you might be killed. South Korea is actually not that bad of a place. I've had many o' good times there. But the life-style and living conditions still could not compare to the good ol' US of A!

-Although this may not be appropriate, I'm definitely thankful for not getting married. I'm 22 years of age and not in a stable career. I have many nights of getting trashed and making an ass clown out of myself left in me. Not ready for the married life. Not any time soon.

-Life. As complicated as it is at times, Life is great. I mean.. without life, you'd be dead. And that would suck. As I age, I notice that time seems to speed up. Life is short.. gotta live it up while I can. I think I've done an alright job so far.

-I may not be happy with where I'm at... but I'm thankful that I'm here at all. Some aren't so fortunate. Biggest thanks of all goes out to those that served and never made it home. You're the reason we're able to celebrate Thanksgiving at all.

I forgot...

I had something somewhat interesting to write about tonight, but I got sidetracked and started reading a different blog, and was engaged in multiple converstations. So now I've completely forgotten what was originally on my mind. But, I signed in so it would be a waste to not jot something down.

As I've done once or twice in the past, I browsed through some of my old posts. I found a lot of them quite amusing. I thought about erasing most of them, or just starting a completely new blog. But, it's kind of funny to see the dumb stuff I used to write about on here. But mainly, I know there's not many, if any people that even reads this.

Updation

After some recent frustrations with my incredibly slow internet connection, and trying to change my account over to this new google feature, I've finally resurrected my blog. The internet never seems to keep things simple. Always changing, adapting. To make things better, easier to use, they say. A pain in the ass, if you ask me. Now I have an idea of how my dad must feel, not knowing how to use all of the modern day technology. Pretty soon, technology is going to advance to the point where I'm not going to know how the hell to use it. OK, probably not... but that's what it seems like at times.

Looks like my last post was back in January. Quite a bit has changed since then. Life has been moving at a fast pace for the past couple of years. I've gone from South Korea, to Texas, to Iraq. Had a couple different girlfriends and am now single. Typical military life... never staying in once place for too long, can't maintain a stable relationship. I must say though, I've become quite comfortable with not being in a relationship. A lot less emotional work on my part.

I had somewhat of an epiphany a little while back.. or something like that. I'm 22 years old and just about a year away from getting out of the Army (for certain this time). I'm faced with having to find/start a career. A career! That means no more fun.. well, at least not as much. I look at all of the people that I know outside of the military, and they're either still in school, have just graduated and started pretty nice jobs, or they're getting married and/or having kids. Kind of weird to consider myself an adult. I'm still young. 23 When I get out of the military. I don't know how well I'm going to transition back into the "real world."

In about 13 days I'll be flying out of Baghdad, on my way home for a little R&R. As anxious and excited as I am about that, those feelings are pretty much drowned out with knowing that 18 days later I have to come back here.. for who knows how long. We were originally supposed to stay here until May 08. Then it got pushed back to August 08. Then there were talks of pushing it back to November 08 and even May 09. Talk about a morale killer. There was a small rumor floating around that we could possibly have our deployment shortened back to May 08. It's just a little bit of hope that I refuse to allow myself to cling to. I've convinced myself that we're here for at least 15 months. To think of anything less is just ignorance.

Fed Up!

I've been in this mood for quite some time, but today just topped it off! Lets save today's occurrences for last, shall we.

I'm only going to briefly touch on this topic, because to even do that, is a COMPLETE waste of my time... but I have plenty to waste. There are certain people that I just can't stand. You know.. the ones that are ALWAYS the victim. The biggest shit talkers that can't back up a word they say. The ones that NEED drama in their life. The ones that form ASSUMPTIONS. OK, let me be blunt and quit with the gay indirect comments... Nick, get your mom's tit out of your mouth and grow the fuck up. Oh, but neither myself or Kellen doesn't exist to you, right? So I guess you won't be reading the blogs or looking at the myspaces (which you OBVIOUSLY do) so I guess there won't be anymore of your indirect comments. Oh.. and IF I did what you ASSUME I did.. what business is it of yours? You're not my boy... I don't have to ask permission or report to you. Stay out of my business.

Next topic: Korea. I hate Korea!

I am sick of 'Ville drama. When I go out to the Ville at night.. I just want to hang out and have a good time. But there always has to be that one guy, or one group of guys, that wants to ruin your night. I mean seriously... Can I go out ONE friggin' night without some guy trying to fight me or one of my boys?? Just one!

Moving on... OK, so the past couple weeks I had been left in charge of my section. I busted my ass, made sure I was taking care of everyone in the section and trying not to screw them over on the schedule, considering we're short handed. So, I ended up pulling 8 straight 12 hour day shifts. No biggie. Not only was a taking a hit as far as days off go, but I had to put up with some Sergeant First Class that was up my ass all day, every day. So.. My NCO comes back. She had a meeting with the same SFC, and I guess he chewed her ass pretty bad. She decides to have a section meeting, and just totally busts me out infront of everybody! She starts spouting off about how when she went on leave, things were jacked and none of the information got passed on to her. Wow.. Instant anger. I briefed her every day about what was going on. When she came back, I showed her the schedule, told her about the changes that were made... the whole nine. Sooo then... she decides to give herself the 4 day weekend off, while the rest of the section is working. Umm... she just came off of leave, hardly worked any days at all, and gave herself 4 days off. Then to top it off.. She cuts out early, to start her 4 day weekend early. This is the NCO that's in charge of our section.. way to look after the Soldiers. So... I'm already pretty heated about everything, and right at the end of my day, my NCO calls me to tell me that the pass i put in for this weekend didn't get approved because of some I didn't turn in some bullshit memo with it. The meme states that I won't drink and drive. Seriously... I can't even drive a frickin' car over here!

...Less than 2 months and I'm outta this dump. It needs to hurry the hell up!

Monotony

Man.. I feel like my life has slowed down in the past few months. I've been in Korea almost 2 years now, doing pretty much the same thing day in, day out. Depending on what shift I'm working, I wake up and go to work at either 0600 or 1800. I work for 12 hours, then I go home, just to repeat the same thing the next day. On my days off, I sleep in, lounge around, and at about 1800, I go out with Walsh and drink beer.. Usually more beer than I should drink. I tell myself all the time that I need a change. Something. Anything! This routine has exhausted itself.

Mexiforn-i-a

Below is a link to a forum. On this link, there are pictures from a protest and counterprotest in Maywood California.

http://www.saveourstate.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=14807&st=280

As I've stated in a previous post.. I have no problem with Mexicans. One of my best friends is Mexican. But there is a difference between CITIZENS that were born here or those that immigrated LEGALLY, and the illegals that flood into our country daily.

Aside from the immigration issue, a couple of these pictures really got me heated. Especially the ones with the Mexicans lowering the US Flag, and raising the Mexican flag. This was at the local post office. A post office is federal property.. meaning it doesn't belong to the county, the city, or the state.. but our government. Raising a foreign flag on a country's soil is something an enemy would do in a time of war, to signify they have conquered the land.

Another thing that gets my boxer briefs in a twist is ignorance. Especially public displays of ignorance. One sign reads: "We are indigenous. The ONLY owners of this Continent." Lets break this down for a minute...

A couple definitions for the word, indegenous...

Indigenous:
1. Originating and living or occurring naturally in an area or environment.
2. having originated in and being produced, growing, or living naturally in a particular region or environment.

Now.. the indigenous people of this continent are the many various Native American tribes such as the Cherokee, Apache, Cheyenne, and other various tribes. Also, were the ones located in what Mexico is today, such as the Aztecs, Mayans, and other various tribes in that region. Those are the only TRUE indigenous people of this continent. Mexicans are a breed of Europeans (Spanish) and the original Indigenous people. Europeans arriving, and interbreeding with the indigenous people is not natural. They were not naturally living in that particular region or environgment. Do Mexicans speak their "indigenous" language? No.. they speak Spanish.. from Spain.. located in Europe.. far away from here.

So to the Mexicans that think they are indigenous to this continent... I'm sorry to be the one to burst your bubble, but no... you are not. Yes, you may have ancestors that were indigenous to this continent, but so do many Americans.

Tired of All of the Anti Mumbo Jumbo

Ignorance. It's the only word that comes to mind when I hear people speak of current events in the Middle East. Not all people, but those that buy into the media's bull shit. If you want a liberal view of the world, then watch the news or read the paper. If you want to listen to all of the negatives about the war on terror, or our presence in Iraq or Afghanistan, then watch the news or read the paper. The majority of the media is leberal. What irks me the most is how a liberal will never hesitate to quote a poll's statistics. The majority of the polls put out do NOT represent the views of the majority of the American population, but rather a select few. Polls are predetermined by the pollster, and can sway which ever way the pollster wants them to. This is something everyone should have learned in their high school government class.

Why is it the media only puts out the worst of the worst, when it comes to Iraq? Yes, bad things happen in war. People get killed. Not just soldiers and insurgents, but civilians, women and children as well. Such is war. But what about all of the positives that come out of Iraq? You don't hear any of that come from the media. You don't hear stories about us helping build their infrastructure. You don't see the stories on the news about the women's centers being opened that we help build, or the schools for children, or the hospitals. They don't put the Iraqi people on the news that talk about how glad they are to have us there. The only thing the American people are hearing, is what the media puts out, and that's all of the garbage. A roadside bomb goes off, killing 2 soldiers and wounding 2 civilians, and it's all over the news talking about how we're losing the war in Iraq. What ever happened to the media of old, like back in WWII, with stories of victories and our Soldiers kicking ass? Now all you hear about is poor Iraqi insurgents being treated poorly in our confinement facilities. I'd rather be forced to play naked Twister than be video taped having my head chopped off and played over Al-Jazeera. But, poor Iraqi insurgents. Photographed in the nude... what torture.

OK... I'm confused... I've watched a few interviews and heard others talk about the current situation with Israel and Hezbollah, in Lebanon. How in the hell is the war in Iraq, or the US presence in the Middle East, have ANYTHING to do with the situation between Israel and Hezbollah??? It doesn't have a DAMN thing to do with it! Israel has been at war with Arabs for CENTURIES! Hezbollah has been in Lebanon, and has been a problem for Israel for years. Tensions between the two is nothing new at all. Iran, backing Hezbollah, has already stated it wants to "wipe Israel off of the map." The Israel/Hezbollah war started when Hezbollah guerillas crossed the Israeli border, killed 3 Israeli soldiers, and kidnapped 2 others. That is an act of war. Israel responded. The reasons given by Hezbollah for the snatch was, they had hopes to snatch Israeli soldiers, and swap them for Lebanese prisoners (most likely Hezbollah) that Israel was holding. Where in there does it say anything about the US presence in the Middle East?? Why is it when something happens in the Middle East, right away our own media blames the US for it?

It's going to be an interesting day, if and when a Liberal is elected President. Interesting and scary. A question the liberals need to ask themselves is... What happens when we pull all US troops out of the Middle East? Then What?

Military Bearing

Being on the enlisted side of the military, I generally have a common lack of respect towards most officers. Don't get me wrong... I respect the rank, because I'm forced to, but a person has to earn respect. Respecting rank, and having respect for a person are 2 totally different things. I've been in the military over 2 years now, and of that time I have come to notice that the officers have, by far, the worst military bearing. I recently attended my battalion's dining in last weekend. It was an event for Soldiers, NCOs, and Officers. Of everyone there, it was the officers acting a fool. Don't get me wrong, their were drinks involved and it was intended to be a good time for everyone, but even at events such as that, there is a certain level of military bearing that you should obtain. It's all out the window with them.

Aside from the formal occasions, it's situations such as formations. It's standard to show up to formation early. Usually about 10 minutes. These guys stroll up right when the order to fall in is given, or just seconds before. Why?.. because there's nobody that's going to tell them otherwise.

What I'm trying to say is, they generally have this attitude that, "Hey, I'm a higher rank than you, so I can do what I want." Butter Bars (term used for 2LTs) are the worst. These jokers come straight out of Westpoint, or ROTC, and think that just because they're an officer, they deserve respect. A 2LT is like an E-1 Private coming out of basic training. They don't know shit! And some of these guys are coming straight out of these academies with NO experience, and thrown into a combat situation.. expected to lead soldiers. What soldier is going to want to follow them?? Not me!

Now, there are some Officers I can respect. Most of them are the ones that were prior enlisted. Or the ones that have been in command, or been in a combat situation. Those are the officers that can command respect, and get it. But they are far and few between.

2 Year Mark

It's a couple weeks past, but on 7 July 2006, I hit my 2 year mark in the Army. For some reason it doesn't really feel like I've been in the Army all the long. However, it feels like I've been in Korea for a lifetime. Most people say that it's not the "real Army" over here in Korea, and I can see why. A lot of discipline and military bearing goes out the window. It's pretty lax. Some days, I don't really feel like I'm in the Army at all... Just an ordinary job, in a not so ordinary place.

Lately, things have been pretty good. For the longest time, I refused to get to know a lot of people, or just didn't care to. I just wanted to ride my time out, and go home. But I've actually grown quite fond of most of the people in my unit. It really is almost like a family. A lot of these guys would do anything for me, as I would for them. It's been good times hanging out lately.

With that said, I still can't wait to get out and come home! The military is good for some people, but not for me. I know I can easily advance in the military, but it's not what I want to do. I came into the military to get experience. I've got some, and now I'm ready to move on. Like I said, I chose a certain path, and I'm sticking to it.

Change

I briefly scanned through some of my old posts and comments on here. It's amazing to see how much things have changed. How much I have changed. It almost seems like EVERYTHING has changed. And in only 2 years, or less. I guess it's all part of growing up and maturing. Some of the things I posted or issues I was having, seem pretty silly now, reading back on them. Things are a lot different today. Problems, issues, even friendships. I no longer worry about the little things.. at least I try not to. I'm just trying to stay focused on what's ahead of me... Life. Even though I've been living it, I know there's much more ahead of me. I can't worry about the little things or let them get in the way and cause problems for me. I can't do some of the things I used to do. Getting into trouble has consequences now. My life and my career ahead of me requires me to walk a fine line. Now, there are times I need to know when to say no. Times I need to keep my cool, or learn to walk away.

I guess I've learned a lot in the past couple years. About life and about myself. Learned some hard lessons and made a few mistakes. Chose to take a different path, but I'm sticking with the path that I chose. I feel I'm on the right track in life right now. Things are constantly changing. Who knows where I'll be, or what I'll be doing in the next couple years.

I Think I'm Getting Old

People say that you age 5 times faster in the Army. I'm beginning to think that's true. Lately, I've been gaining weight.. and not the "good" kind. I've always been the kid with the crazy fast metabolism. Could eat all day and never gain an ounce. And just the other day, I was hanging out with my girlfriend, and I stood up, and thought I threw my back out! Thought it was nothing... 'til I woke up this morning and my back was killing me! So... thinking that it was nothing, I went to my basketball game today. Played 3 minutes before I had to sub myself out because of BACK SPASMS! What is going on?! As I'm sitting here typing this up, I'm trying not to move so much, because my back cramps up on me! Stuff like this isn't supposed to happen for another 20 years! Maybe I should stop drinking so much beer and go back to doing PT religiously... Just a thought.

The World Today; From Where I'm Sitting.

So, I'm sitting here tonight, doing my usual thing at work... watching a movie and surfing the web. Every night I'm at work, I read the news and try to keep up with what's going on in the world. Upon opening the World News page on msn's site, I see that 4 out of the 5 top headlines are about North Korea.

It's not news anymore that N. Korea had fired off some missiles into the Sea of Japan.. one of the missiles being the Taepodong-2, a missile that is suspected of having the capability to reach the U.S., which fell apart 42 seconds after launch. Before these missiles were test fired, N. Korea put out a statement saying, "any preemptive action to prevent the launch of the missiles would result in a 'cruel and annihilating' retaliation."

Being stationed in South Korea, statements like that kind of put me on edge. Especially knowing that N. Korea has nuclear capabilities. After the launch of several missiles, and a strong uproar from the international community, N. Korea vows to launch more missiles. Knowing that there's some insane, little, mad man with his finger on a button, just doesn't sit well.

Aside from the recent issues with my jolly neighbor to the North, there's everything going on in the Middle East. Israel is currently sending troops into Gaza, and the Palestinians are pissed and all that mess. Meanwhile, Iran's crazy president spouts off by making statements saying that Israel needs to be wiped off the map. Them and the ones that helped create it, (the West.) And lets not forget that just shortly before Lil' Kimmy started shooting his rockets off, that Iran has been in the process of developing their nulcear program... it hasn't been in the news, but you know it's still an active issue.

So... War, nuclear bombs, and crazy Arabs and North Koreans are always a scary thing. But to add to it... what's with the weather and geological activities these days? It seems a little odd. Crazy earthquakes all over the world. Massive tsunamis. Hurricane Katrina. I'm beginning to think that someone hit the Self Destruct button!

Maybe it's just me, but when I sit back and think about it... the world is a scary place these days. Or maybe I should just stop reading/watching the news.

The United States of... Mexico??

For starters, I am not a racist. Not even close. I have many friends of many different ethnical backgrounds. And being from California, I've grown up and been friends with quite a few Mexican people.

Now, onto the posting...

This whole immigration thing has got me fired up. I'm not even in the States right now, but just watching it and reading it on the news has got me irrate! "Thousands" of illegal immigrants and supporters of illegal immigrants are marching on our nation's soil. Illegal immigrants are just that, illegal immigrants. They do not share the same rights and freedoms as we do. But yet, they're allowed to march on our soil, protest on our soil, and even BURN OUR FLAG on our soil.

Some of the most upsetting things I've seen or heard about this so far: A Mexican, on national television, burning the US Flag. I guess they want to live in our country, but fly their flag. Then an American, just happened to be a white guy, held a Mexican flag and a lighter, and before he could even strike up the lighter, about 12 police officers dog piled on this man... an American. A man with the right and freedom of expression, given to him by our own government. That's telling me that illegal immigrants, not bound by our laws or Constitution, have more rights than we do! Another story... A school in California informed its students that they are not to have ANYTHING portraying the US flag. When one boy wore a T-shirt with a US flag on it, he was suspended. So much for patriotism. This same school still allowed it's Mexican students to carry mini Mexican flags. Wear the Mexican colors. Why didn't they just lower the US flag and raise the Mexican flag on the flag pole? Heck, why not have the school band trump up the Mexican national anthem?! And yet another story... Ted Kennedy, giving a speech on our nation's soil, at our nation's capital, in a FOREIGN language. So now we can't even speak our own language in our country, because that wouldn't be fair to the illegals. I am thoroughly pissed off and disappointed in the US government.

I have nothing against foreigners from any country coming into this country, as long as they do it the right way.. the legal way. But these people are crossing our border, and flooding our education systems, our medical institutions, and ruining our economy. Then they want to step up and ask us to give them our rights and our freedoms. What about the rights and freedoms that they're taking away from the CITIZENS of this country. This is a joke and it needs to end now. Our government won't even step up to the plate and stop this. Why? Because by catering to them, they'll gain more votes. That's right, the government is selling out the American people, and the American way of life all for a few more votes. It's not just the Democrats, it's also the Republicans... the ones initiating the bill to make it a felony to enter this country illegally. What hypocracy!

Maybe my next post should be in Spanish...

What is this??

Ahh yes... the good ol' Blog. Haven't been on this thing in God knows when. Haven't had any words of wisdom. Or lack there of, is more like it. Maybe I'll get back into it. Help pass my countless hours of boredom. I doubt there's anyone that even checks this thing anymore. Oh well...

Karma

I've never been one to believe in "Karma." What goes around, comes around, ya know... But I now believe that things that I have done in the past, have now caught up with me. I had something that I truly felt was special, but I ruined it. I place the blame solely on myself, and I deserve every ounce of pain that I feel. The worse pain of all is not being able to ask for forgiveness, because I don't even have the guts to confess my wrong doings. Now I have a decision to make... Confess and ask for forgiveness, or continue to hold everything in and know that I was the coward, and I was the selfish one. For me, it seems like a lose, lose situation. I know if I confess, I won't be forgiven... It's not in her nature. And if I don't, sure I may salvage what relationship we have left, but I'll still have everything weighing on my mind. I know that the "right thing" to do would be to tell her. But I can't...

Caved...

I finally caved in and started a myspace. But not to worry... I'll stay faithful to my blog. I'm just finding anything to occupy the endless hours of time I have to kill, and that's one way of doing it. I've already talked to a couple of people who I haven't spoken to in quite some time. I guess it's nice. I feel a lot less lonely, that's for sure!

Today's agenda: SLEEP! I'm exhausted... I can't sleep at all lately. Another room inspection at 0900. Sleep until 1445. Take my paperwork in to receive my bonus at 1500. Hopefully I'll be back to my room within 30 minutes and able to grab another hour and a half of sleep. Then at 1700 it's time to get up and start my day... or should I say night. The wonderful 12 hour shift.

Tomorrow's agenda: The batallion commander is doing the room inspections, so since I work night shift, and I don't have to participate, so I have to hide for a few hours. Hopefully I can sleep where ever it is I end up. Then back to work once again.

The fool again...

I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. I must have a big god damn sign on my forhead that says, "please, play me... I don't mind." Here's a few questions for those that know me, particularly for the females, but males you can answer too... What's wrong with me? What do i do wrong? This one hurts... bad. Maybe not so much because of what happened, but because I allowed it to happen, when I knew better in the first place. Why is it that the ones that seem so right, and make you feel so good, turn out to be the ones that hurt you the most. When do I win?... When will someone put as much into me as I do to them?

Sup Y'all

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate being in Korea? So, how's West Sac? Live it up while ya can, because I'm telling you... It may suck now, but once you leave, you're going to realize that afterall, it is home, and it is where you want to be. Drop me a line, let me know what's going on and how everyone is doing.

Well, today I signed another 2 years of my life away. Yup... I reenlisted for another 2 years. No bonus, no school, and no duty assignment... just 2 more years in the Army. On the bright side, I will get my original enlistment bonus now, instead of when I get out of the Army. I guess I'm going to have to start forcing myself to like the Army, since I'm going to be in it for a while longer. For now, I'm just going to sit back, let it take me where it's going to take me, and hopefully I'll see some cool shit along the way.

Alright.... thought I'd update ya on the most recent news. I've passed out a lot of different information to differnet people. I'm not reenlisting, but I'm not coming home in February either. I'm just extending for one year. So, the earliest I will be home now, will be November, 2006. So, just a little over one more year... not so bad.

Other than that, I don't have much to say... except for, Incubus has got to be one of the worst bands on the planet! One of their songs just came on my yahoo radio. That guy's voice just strikes a nerve!

The Latest

Got some news for ya... I'm coming home no later than February, 2006 now. Just had a talk with the reenlistment guy the other day, and he said that I can only reenlist for a minimum of 3 years, when just a couple of months prior, he told me I could reenlist for 2. So, I told him if he could get me a duty station of choice, K-9 school, and a reenlistment bonus, then I'm in. Well, he could get me just one, the duty station of choice. So I made a phone call yesterday, now all I need to do is sign a paper, then sit back and wait about 6-7 months, and I'll be out! My "official" ETS date is February 8, 2006. But I may come home sooner than that, depending on if I use whatever leave I have saved up.

Tomorrow I get promoted... Officially, I was promoted on July 7th, but because this unit is lame, they haven't pinned me yet. But i've been receiving the pay, so I could care less. So as of tomorrow I will be a Private First Class (PFC). uh oh!

So that's the latest. What's going on in the real world?? I don't catch too much news of what's happening, unless it's something major.

Bored off me arse! It's 0044, my time... 0844 back home. So almost everyone is sleeping or working. Doing laundry and cleaning up my room to pass the time. My room mate is at work, so I don't have anyone's ass to beat at Live or Madden. Didn't make it to the commissary this evening, so I'm hurtin' cuz I don't have anything to eat. I often resort to eating when I'm bored, and yet I still maintain my girlish figure. Alright...well, I'm going to go jump out the window and hit my head on the pavement, just for entertainment. Late!

4-5

Another loss. Our season is pretty much over now. We have one game left, but we needed to win these last two, to get into playoffs. So now we'll just be looking to keep a .500 record. The game was a lame one. Back to the selfish play. No ball movement. We were lucky to get one pass off, before someone shot the ball. Stuck with the 2-1-2 defense, which was working well all game, and we kept the score close. It all fell apart when we switched to man to man in the last few minutes.

Personal stats:
0 pts, 2 assists
0/3 FG

What a game I had!

Speaking of basketball... The Kings made yet another trade that is a bust! Don't know if I posted this previously, but I told Kel that Bobby Jackson would be gone this year. Traded off to Memphis for for Bonzi Wells. There were some other moves made, but none of which seem to matter. Ostertag is gone, thank the Lord! Back to the Jazz for now. And Utah is sending 3 schmucks to Sac. So, welcome Bonzi Wells to the Kings, adios Bobby Jackson. The once uptempo life of the Kings is now seemingly gone. Like I said before... the Kings will have about a .500 season this year.

Here's a question for ya...

Bombing in London... Tragedy, yes or no?

Terrorists in London detonate bombs, blowing up a subway and a bus, killing approximately 56 people, and wounding many others. O course this would be considered a tragedy. For about a week it made the front page of every major news paper throughout the world, headlined on all of the prime time news programs, and so on.

Another question for ya...

Suicide bombing in Iraq Kills 58, and wounds many others... Tragedy, yes or no?

The newspapers and prime time news programs wouldn't think so. I found this article in the back of the news paper, and it was nothing more than a caption. Not a major story on the news, and just a little article about it on the internet.

It's understandable that it is a bigger deal because it's the first attack like this that has occured in London. But why is it not even a big deal in Iraq?? Granted, attacks like these take place almost every day, but because they're so frequent or expected, does that make them less of a tragedy, or a tragedy at all?

4-4

Well... 3d MI Bn fell to 4-4 on Friday night. I couldn't even go to the game since I was on 24 hour quarters. Not sure how the game went, but I heard we lost by 8. Next game is on 22 July 05.

On the upside... I think I'm getting rid of this god forsaken viral infection. Throat is still a little sore, and I'm still spitting up some pretty nasty stuff, but neither are nearly as bad as they have been. My throat is abnormally swolen, but as long as most of the pain is gone, I don't care. Hopefully it will be completely cleared up within the next couple of days.

So... what's new around good ol' West Sac??

Viral Infection

Went to the good ol' ER last night. I've had an unbarabel sore throat and a fever for the past few days, and last night it peaked. Started spitting up blood, couldn't sleep, and hadn't eaten for 2 days. Get there, and I felt like some sort of science show... everyone in there wanted to take a peak at my throat because they said it was the nastiest thing they've seen. My right tonsil was swolen so bad that you could see the knot sticking out of my neck. They named off several different things that were wrong with me, but they were all that medical mumbo jumbo that nobody understands. They finally decided to do a test for strep throat, which came up negative, so I got the usual shpeal. Viral Infection. Treatment... Penacilin and Ibuprofin. Just had one of the medics come to my room and wanted to hook my up to an IV and I told him to get the hell out... so he left it here and said he would come and check up on me from time to time and if I get any worse, he's sticking me. They also tried giving me the infamous shot in the arse, last night. That didn't fly. I wasn't about to get stuck in the ass, then not be able sit on my left check for 5 days.

Going to miss the basketball game tonight. I'll post up whether or not they won. They're playing some other MI unit. Back to bed for me... peace out!

4-3

Got the "W" last night, as 3d Military Intelligence Batallion defeated the US Air Force! I contemplated whether or not I was going to play since I had a horrible sore throat and headache, and was running on just 1 hour of sleep. Decided at the lat minute that i would play. We got off to a pretty good start, grabbing an 8-0 lead. I started off a little shaky at the point, due to a harsh full court press and a pretty strong half court trap. Luckily, the team decided not to be selfish last night, and with good ball movement, we picked it apart. Decided to play a 2-1-2 defense last night since they had no outside game.

Personal Stats:
2 pts, 4 assists, 2 rebs, 2 steals
1/2 FG

Beat Down!

The big protest was today. I don't think it reached its expected 10,000 participants, but I heard the numbers reached around 7,000. There were about 12,000 Korean National Police out there to "de-escalate" the situation. It kind of reminded me of a movie like Braveheart... There was just a mass crowd of people, holding big sticks, some with yellow flags on them. And a constant stream of people coming out of the town, coming towards our premises. The KNP were lined up infront of our fence, so that the demonstrators would not get to the fence. Well, when the demonstrators reached the KNP, all hell broke loose. The demonstrators would swing their flag-bearing sticks at the KNP, and the KNP would retalliate by beating the living crap out of them with their 4 ft. long whoop ass sticks. Supposedly they broke through the fence where they had the most demonstrators, and about 5 people made it on post, but they didn't make it very far. It got out of hand at one point and it was just an all out brawl. About 100 KNP were injured, 2 of which are in critical condition and might die. I'm not sure about the demonstrators... we didn't get numbers on them, but I'm sure they had a few hospitalized as well. Crazyness!

Other than that... nothing out of the ordinary... Just another day in a country where the majority of the people don't want us here.

Not much to update you on... the protest the other day wasn't too much... supposed to have been about 2500 people out there. Didn't get out of hand, from what I hear. I guess the KNP beat the crap out of one protester. Tomorrow is the big one... 10,000 people are expected to come. I doubt there will be that many people though. They've already got a stage set up for a concert and demonstrations, and a whole bunch of crap. Ought to be interesting. Expecting violence at this one. I'll be sleeping during the start of it, and working during the end of it, so I won't be anywhere near it, unless they happen to break onto our installation and come running onto the flight line i work at... which won't happen. I guess I'll update you on it tomorrow. Gotta finish doing laundry now.

Why am I working on my God-given day off?? And on just 2 hours of sleep out of the last 2.5 days...

The LONG Downward Spiral...

...You know what I'm talking about. That state of mind where nothing feels like it's going right, and feels like it never will. I think I've found a way to battle it. I think you finally just have to settle for mediocrity. Life's not perfect... People have been saying that since you were a little kid. I personally like, "Life's a bitch, and then you die." So oftenly used by my father. Life is a bitch. It's a nasty, dirty, disgruntled bitch, that doesn't get along with you. Point is... you're never going to get EXACTLY what you want. No matter how bad you want it. The sooner you figure that out, and learn to deal with it, the better. Due to many past and recent occurances, I've figured that out. I now know that I'm going to just have to make do and learn to settle. There's no use fighting so hard for things, because you're eventually going to lose it, one way or another.

...well those are my drunken words for the night. I'm going to bed.. i have to wake up in 3.5 hours and go to the range to shoot my 9mm. God bless!

"Ahh, Shi...."

Tonight is a very boring/frustrating night. Since we're still on a holiday schedule, there's absolutely nothing to do right now. Had to get into the key box, to get some keys out, and the key used to open the key box broke! (wow, i said "key" way too much right there.) So, you know me... I got angry and "fixed" the key box... with a tire iron... and a fire hydrant. Can't wait to see the reaction SSG. Floyd has when she sees it. Should be interesting.